I have all the qualities most women should like and appreciate in a man. I love my kids and take care of them. I have a job. I have all of my own teeth and they are real. I don’t live with my mom, I have my own place. I don’t do drugs. I have never been arrested (not saying i haven’t had fun, I just never got caught). I have a great smile. I will open your door for you. And I’m a nice guy.
Every online dating site I’ve ever seen has no less than 2452 ads that sound exactly like this. Apparently, according to these ads, all we women should want in a man is someone who has a job, takes care of kids, has a nice smile with all the original teeth, isn’t a junkie or on parole, and will open doors for us. Hmm……………… Based on countless conversations I have had with myself and other single women, I feel there may be a very large gap in our culture between what women want and what men think women should want. And I’m pretty sure nobody is getting laid (at least not well) in that gap.
You can’t be a smart, straight, single woman without, asking yourself if being partnered with a man requires some sacrifice of standards, expectations, self-respect, and emotional need. Well maybe you can, but I can’t. I can’t because, based on years of research, observation, and analysis, I believe that my chances of finding a sensitive, emotionally evolved, intelligent, funny, hot, straight man who is great in bed, are about as good as finding a ponycorn (1/2 pony, 1/2 unicorn).
Whenever this topic comes up in conversation (which is often when women and alcohol get together), I hear the same refrain: “You can’t have everything. Nobody is perfect. You have to give something up if you want to find love.”
I don’t know if I agree or disagrees—it probably depends on the day. But what I find interesting is which item from my Ponycorn Wish List people think I should give up. Many have suggested I give up Hot. Here’s the thing: when I say hot, I do not mean arm candy. I don’t give a flying fig if any other person on the planet finds my man hot—I only care if I find him hot. Physical chemistry is very important and a relationship without it just doesn’t work for me.
So what’s left?
Intelligent: Someone recently suggested to me that intelligence (in men) is highly overrated as far as relationships go. I’m not willing to take it off the list entirely, but I am willing to be more flexible and open-minded with my definition of intelligence.
Sensitive/Emotionally evolved: I’m torn on this one–on the one hand I really want it, on the other hand I think it’s right up there with “dude with 4 arms.” Total fantasy. Perhaps I should replace it with: Someone who at least knows they are not emotionally evolved and is willing to poke fun at himself about it and take direction.
Funny: No one has ever suggested I take funny off the list. Huh. That’s funny.
Hot/Great in Bed: Yes, I’ve already talked about this, but it warrants double mention. Look, I know physical attraction and hot sex don’t last forever and are not enough to make a relationship succeed. But I also know it’s an important thing for me and I want to enjoy it while it’s there. Life is short. The real struggle with this one is how particularly we all define great sex. That and… what woman with 2 kids in her late-thirties has the time or energy to test drive every hot rod on the lot?
What’s on your list? Have you found everything on it in one person or have you made compromises? And how’s that working out? Tell me….I gotta know!?