Oh ovary, oh ovary, thing one and thing two,
I don’t want to be horny, it’s sad but it’s true.
There’s no room right now for a man in my life.
Remember?? I spent $12 grand to NOT be a wife.
Like clockwork you trigger my hormones and mood,
making every idiot with a beard seem like my kind of dude.
Your excitement lacks caliber or discrimination,
and what you call true love, I call OVULATION.
But you’d rather be dead than go without nookie.
“Let’s do it!” you say, “So what if he’s a Wookie?”
You think a man in my bed will offer reprieve.
But what good are you when I want him to leave?!
My higher mind wants to sever our reptilian connection,
and stop cruising Craigslist for anonymous affection. (Just kidding, that’s gross!)
I don’t need a man to make me feel giddy.
What I need is a vibrator that cuddles and tells me I’m pretty.
I have a nude photo of myself that I want to share here and hang on my walls at home because I love it so very much.
I love it because my face shows a strong, confident and happy part of myself I love and want to be more often. (Also, I’m hula hooping and covered in mud– so it’s extra fabulous.)
I rarely feel strong and confident in general, never mind when I’m naked. And being naked in public in broad daylight?? Not my thing. So I also love the photo because it reminds me that I set my fears aside for the sake of art and community.
Art, politics, and a pack of mud-covered, naked chicks on a rampage. My community.
Digital Latte Photography
The photo I love was taken shortly after this photo shoot wrapped. My friend and I were hula hooping in an alley behind the studio, waiting for our turn to rinse the mud off of ourselves with one of two COLD hoses held over a plastic baby pool.
(Side note: two of the photographer’s female assistants held the hoses and helped us all get the mud out of our nooks and crannies. Nooks AND crannies. How bad do you have to screw up at work to get that job??)
Anyway, I would love to be able to share my naked hula hoop photo without offending people or receiving negative judgment and criticism, but I don’t think that’s possible. As a culture we have a hard time remembering that sometimes a naked body is sexual, and sometimes it isn’t. So I also wish I could post this lovely non-sexual nude photo of my self without risking it being turned into something sexual, but I don’t think that’s possible either. So Instead I’ll celebrate the women I ran naked with, as well as the brave and beautiful women in Aleah Chapin’s nude portraits. (Click the image to see more…)
Click here to see more of Chapin’s beautiful nude portraits and read about the artist.