Ovarian Ode

Oh ovary, oh ovary, thing one and thing two,
I don’t want to be horny, it’s sad but it’s true.
There’s no room right now for a man in my life.
Remember?? I spent $12 grand to NOT be a wife.

Like clockwork you trigger my hormones and mood,
making every idiot with a beard seem like my kind of dude.
Your excitement lacks caliber or discrimination,
and what you call true love, I call OVULATION.

But you’d rather be dead than go without nookie.
“Let’s do it!” you say, “So what if he’s a Wookie?”
You think a man in my bed will offer reprieve.
But what good are you when I want him to leave?!

My higher mind wants to sever our reptilian connection,
and stop cruising Craigslist for anonymous affection. (Just kidding, that’s gross!)
I don’t need a man to make me feel giddy.
What I need is a vibrator that cuddles and tells me I’m pretty.

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