MILF?

Some of my favorite girls came over to lounge and talk trash in my back yard today. When it comes to girlfriends, I’m drawn to hot smart chicks with big balls. In addition to big balls, my girlfriends all have hippie names–but that’s just because our parents were all stoned when they named us. Around here, women in my generation are either named Sunshine Moonbeam Flower Love, or Jennifer. Anyway, on with today’s discussion…

There is a cute young thing I run into from time to time. He’s adorable, with a sly smile and a lot of bravado. He flirts shamelessly with me and gives me the “WhatchUdoin’?” eyebrows. I don’t mind a bit. To be fair, I flirt back. Please! I’m a lonely mom in the middle of a divorce–I’d practically pay for this kind of attention.

Of course I had to share these juicy tidbits with my girlfriends. Their responses were unified: “Go for it!… then tell us ALL about it.” (My girlfriends are selfish bitches! Their need for juicy tidbits is not enough to convince me.)

“He’s 12!” I said. (Okay, not 12, but he’s in his early 20’s and that’s practically the same thing.) “He’s barely legal.”

“He’s been legal for 5 years; that’s not barely anything!” Breeze said. (Whatever, she’s been married for 15 years; she wants me to “go for it” more than any of them.)

Sunflower tossed her long blond hair and said, “Not only should you do it, but I’ve done it. And I’d do it again!” (We air high-fived across cupcakes and empty beer bottles.)

I think the nice folks at Full Sail should send over a few cases of my new favorite back porch beer.

I asked April what she would do, but I couldn’t understand her words through all her giggling. (April was our token 20-something on the patio today…and I think we scared her a little.)

I explained that I have a mommy block about the whole thing. Not because I’m a mommy— the block is about his mommy. I can’t think about him in that way without wondering if his poor mother would be horrified if she knew. (I mean come on, I have 2 sons myself!)

“Well then, I guess you can’t be a MILF.” Sunflower said.

Breeze laughed, “Yep. You pretty much failed the test with that one.”

I think they’re right. I guess the answer to the Mr. Eyebrow question is… I let you know.

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5 comments

  1. Oh wow, I’ve never been the token anything before. I hope I wasn’t too quiet. I always start off as the shy, awkward kid in the corner, but once I do get warmed up to everyone, I can be a mouthy little smart ass.

      1. Oh that is such a good idea. Very ‘Risky Business’. 😉 Hey, you’re a single mom, you need the money! Better than chopping off your arm and becoming a one-armed hooker.

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